


I wanna kiss you (all) like daylight

by Ceeninja



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Fix-It, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-27 18:44:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21396907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceeninja/pseuds/Ceeninja
Summary: Tom chuckled to himself as he folded the freshly laundered linens. The others thought they were subtle, and it was quite funny to watch. Edward's face reddened anytime he accidentally brushed against Tom's shoulder, and once, when Thomas tucked his hair behind his ear, John audibly sighed.Tom wasn't sure what to make of his own feelings, and he was certain the others were just as confused, and probably ashamed, in John's case, but the chemistry between them could not be ignored.For the terror rarepair week 2019
Relationships: Captain Francis Crozier/Commander James Fitzjames, John Bridgens/Harry Peglar, Lt John Irving/Thomas Jopson, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Thomas Hartnell/Lt Edward Little, Thomas Hartnell/Lt John Irving, Thomas Hartnell/Thomas Jopson, Thomas Jopson/Lt Edward Little
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48
Collections: The Terror Rarepair Week 2019





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy.
> 
> This fic is 100% dedicated to the terror discord, who gave me this idea in the first place and encouraged and inspired me the whole way.
> 
> Special, special thanks to fellowshipofthegay for her excellent beta work and editing as always. Couldn't do it without you.
> 
> Title is a play on lyrics from 'Yes!' By Bone Poets Orchestra

Thomas Jopson had not slept in three days. He had been on constant watch since the Captain had given up his vice. The shock to his system was great, and Thomas spent his time cleaning up sick, timing seizures, and wiping his fevered brow. Crozier was delusional most of the time, shouting incoherently and crying. It was painful to watch, but Thomas never wavered from his duty.

It was late into the third night when Crozier finally fell into a sleep that was deep enough that Thomas risked leaving his side for more than a few minutes. He closed the door to his quarters as quietly as he could, and staggered into the great room, and right into a solid, warm, broad wall.

Thomas stumbled back and looked the wall in the face.

"Jopson," Lieutenant Little said. "When was the last time you slept?"

Thomas flushed, from embarrassment or annoyance he couldn't say. "Sorry, sir, didn't see you there." He moved around him.

Little's hand reached out and grabbed his arm. "Thomas." he whispered. "Please, go get some rest. One cannot pour from an empty pitcher."

Thomas was sure that was a clever turn of phrase, but in his addled state he couldn't make head or tails of it. "What?"

"Just something Lieutenant Irving said. It means you must take care of yourself before helping others. I can sit with the Captain tonight, you need to rest."

Thomas opened his mouth to protest.

"Don't make me order you." 

The tone in his voice was firm, but the underlying current of sadness made all of the fight drain from Thomas's body.

"Yes, you may have a point." Thomas conceded, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand. "I will head to my cabin, but if he needs anything--"

"I'm sure I can handle it." Little interrupted. "Go."

Thomas nodded and made his way to his own quarters. As much as he didn't want to leave the Captain, he knew Little had a point. He was exhausted. Thomas didn't even know what time it was. He'd just grab a few hours of sleep, then get back to it. The captain wouldn't even notice he was gone. 

He didn't even bother to dress down before collapsing into bed. 

He wakes up 12 hours later.

"Shit!" He curses, swinging his legs out of bed. He hurries down the hall to the captain's quarters. Inside he finds the Captain, sleeping, and Little and Dr. McDonald speaking in whispered tones.

"Ah, Mr. Jopson, glad to see you took a break." Dr. McDonald whispered. 

"Apologies, sir, for my tardiness." Thomas said as he swept through the room and began his tasks. Check the bedpan, stroke the fire, prepare fresh linens.

"No need to apologize." McDonald replied. "In fact, if Lieutenant Little here hadn't gotten you to rest, I would have made you."

"You don't have to do this alone." Little spoke up. "We should share the load more evenly. Perhaps bring in a few more hands..." he muttered to himself.

"No!" Thomas said harshly. "The captain's condition must be kept secret. I won't have the other officers him like this, he'd be humiliated." 

"Thomas," Little said. And there it was again, his Christian name in the Lieutenant's mouth. "You cannot do this alone, and with me being the captain's proxy here, Captain Fitzjames on _Erebus_, and Dr. McDonald with a full sickbay, it makes sense to bring a few more in on what's really happening." 

Thomas deflated. "You're right. The captain will hate it though."

"Not much for it I'm afraid. I'll brief Irving on the situation, and we can begin scheduling a rotation." Little said.

Thomas nodded stiffly. Better him than Hodgson, though he doesn't voice this thought aloud.

"Right, well, if you'll excuse me gentlemen. The captain is stable and sleeping soundly." Dr. McDonald said. "I've got a full sickbay to attend to, so I'll leave you to it."

He departed, leaving Little and Thomas alone.

"Why do you do that?" Thomas asked in a harsh voice.

"Do what?" Little asked defensively.

"Use my first name."

Little's face drained of color. "I-I did?"

Thomas nodded. "Twice now, sir."

"I'm terribly sorry, slip of the tongue. How inappropriate of me--" he stuttered, his face now flush red with embarrassment. Thomas ignored the sensation that stirred deep in his gut at the sight.

"Very odd thing to slip up on. I wasn't even sure you knew my first name." Thomas said, as nonchalantly as possible. He busied himself folding linens while he spoke, concerned where his thoughts would go if he looked at Little directly.

Crozier snorted then, breaking the building tension in the room. Thomas paused for a heavy moment until the captain began breathing regularly again.

"I should leave you to your duties. Excuse me." Edward bowed awkwardly and began to head to the door. Thomas put down the linens and followed him.

It was Thomas' turn to grab Little's arm. Little stopped and spun around.

"I don't mind. Actually I'd prefer it, at least when we're alone." Thomas admitted quietly.

Little raised a brow. "Do you...anticipate us being alone together often?" He smirked.

Thomas felt the heat rush to his face, as well as other places on his body. "I simply meant that it's more professional to use our last names in front of others. And what you're implying, Lieutenant, is absurd, I would never entertain the idea-"

"I have eyes, Mr. Jopson, and I've noticed that yours tend to wander."

Thomas pulled his gaze upward from Little's lips. The lieutenant smirked again. Thomas huffed and crossed his arms.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself. Even discussing this could get us lashed or worse." 

Little's expression fell. He shuffled awkwardly. "Yes, you're right. Forgive me, for being so forward." He bowed his head again and turned on his heel towards the door.

Thomas swore under his breath. "Edward, wait." 

He crossed the distance between them. "Kiss me." He demanded.

"W-what?" Edward stuttered.

Thomas shrugged. "Well, I need to see if you're a good kisser, if I'm going to risk a lashing." 

He didn't need telling twice. Edward cupped his hands around Thomas's face. Tenderly, like he was afraid Thomas would spook and run. He carefully closed the distance between them. His lips were chapped from the cold, and his whiskers scratched gently at Thomas's face, which sent chills through Thomas's body. He parted his lips to allow Edward access, and shuddered when his tongue slipped inside.

He was so warm. Perhaps not the most expert kisser, but he was warm and enthusiastic, and well, they would just have to practice. 

Because, if Thomas was being honest with himself, it didn't matter if Edward was a good kisser or not, Thomas would risk a lashing for him anyways.

\-------

Tom knocked softly at the divider separating John's quarters from the rest of the ship. He didn't wait for a reply before slipping inside. It was late, and he honestly wasn't sure the other man was awake. 

The lamp was lit, but only just. "John." Tom whispered. "You awake?"

"Mm, yes." John replied, voice groggy with sleep.

"Sorry to wake you." Tom cringed. "I just, I needed--"

"Come here." John held out an arm and pulled the covers down to allow Tom to crawl next to him.

Tom eagerly accepted the invitation and pressed his whole body against John's. John wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.

"Nightmares?"

Tom nodded. John pulled him closer still, and planted a soft kiss to his hair. 

They'd been doing this for months, ever since John had reached out after his brother's death. Bible readings quickly became something more, and now this was almost a nightly ritual, as often as they could risk it.

This was the first time in two weeks Tom had come. His back was fully healed now from the lashings, and John had been more understanding than Tom figured he should be, as an officer, but Tom's own guilt had kept him away.

Tonight, the nightmares had outweighed his guilt. 

"I keep seeing it, in my dreams." Tom murmured into John's collarbone. He shivered. "That's not a bear."

"I know." John replied. "I saw it."

"Do you think Mr. Blanky will be alright?" He doesn't say the word survive, but they both know that's what he means.

"Dr. McDonald says there is no sign of infection, and Mr. Weekes is making him a wooden leg."

Tom couldn't help but snort. "Like a proper pirate."

John chuckled. "It suits him."

They lulled into a comfortable silence, and Tom felt himself beginning to drift off. 

"Thank you." He said sleepily.

"Goodnight, heart." John responded.

Tom fell asleep with a smile on his face.

\-------

Edward wasn't sure what, exactly, had led him here, but here he was all the same, staring across the dining table at John Irving, want pooling in his gut. Thomas walked the room, refilling glasses and being ever the gracious steward, totally unaware of his lover's internal-and somewhat external-dilemma. 

It was all his fault really, for saying such lewd things last night when they were together. Thomas, buried inside Edward, whispering filthy ideas into his ear as he fucked him.

"I've seen you looking, Edward. I've looked too. Do you imagine him doing what I am now? Or are you taking him, filling him up till he spills over? Can you imagine how it would feel if he had you in hand right now?"

Edward's cock throbbed at those words, and he was coming mere moments later, Thomas not far behind.

It was doing him no good to remember such things now. Edward swallowed hard and pinched the top of his thigh in an attempt to will away the very uncomfortable and inconvenient friction in his trousers.

John looked over at him as he shifted. He furrowed his brow.

"Are you alright Edward?" He asked with a frown. "You look flushed. Not coming down with a fever are you?"

And there lied the crux of the problem. It wasn't just the tantalizing thoughts of having John in a carnal way. Those urges he could tamp down and ignore easily. No, it was the swell of affection in his heart at John's concern that was having the most effect on him. He spared a glance at Thomas, who, though expert at schooling his features, Edward knew well enough to see the fondness peeking through his carefully constructed mask.

Oh, they were hopeless.

"I'm fine, John, thank you." He managed to stutter out.

Thomas quickly busied himself with clearing away plates, tucking his hair back from where it had swept onto his forehead. He swiftly ducked in to grab John's plate, and he almost grazed his hand against John's. Edward felt a strange combination of jealousy and excitement.

He excused himself as quickly as possible after dinner, and spent his evening pouring over charts to keep his mind busy. It was Thomas's turn to watch over the Captain, who was doing better everyday, though still in no condition to lead. 

Edward felt the weight of command heavily on his shoulders. He loathed it. All he wanted was to shake it off, like the ill-fitting coat it was. The only time he felt any peace were those rare moments with Thomas. When Thomas was the leader, and Edward the subordinate. It was a relief to relinquish control, to feel taken care of, to be allowed to be gentle.

And Thomas was so gentle in return. Whispering soft words in his ear as he cleans his skin with a damp rag. Pressing kisses to the lovebites on Edward's hip that were sure to bruise. Running his hands through Edward's hair as he drifted to sleep.

After a life at sea, amongst cruel waters and rough sailors, Edward craved gentleness. So when Thomas had confessed, very nervously, that he found John Irving appealing, Edward understood.

Thomas had only told him out of a sense of guilt. He was humiliated that he had such a wonderful lover, yet his eyes and heart still wandered. It took Edward back, at first, and occasionally he felt a twinge of possessiveness, but stronger than that was the understanding. 

John Irving was exceptional in many ways. An excellent officer, well-studied, and unwaveringly kind. He went out of his way to comfort the grieving Tom Hartnell, and still met with him regularly for study. When Edward had asked him to assist in caring for the Captain, he stepped up without hesitation, even though the tasks were less than pleasant. Even tonight at the table, he had enquired after Edward's well being when he had no reason to.

It also didn't hurt that he was very nice to look at. Standing just a bit taller than he or Thomas, Edward wondered if he would have to reach up to kiss him, or if John would bend to meet him, or if the difference would be a problem at all. He wondered how his hands would feel running down his sides, or over his backside. What his cock would feel like in his---

Edward shook his head. It would do him no good to continue with such thoughts. He turned back to his charts in a desperate attempt to distract himself.

\------

John wasn't sure what he was doing, but judging from Tom's pleased moans and his iron grip on his hair, he was doing alright. John flicked his tongue over the head again and had to hold Tom's hips back from bucking up and choking him again. That had not been fun.

"John." Tom groaned and dug his nails into John's scalp, stinging ever so slightly. "I-I-oh."

Tom bucked again and came hard, coating John's throat and mouth. John had expected this part to be unpleasant, but was pleased to find it was not. He swallowed almost greedily and lapped at the tip of Tom's cock as he pulled away. 

He wiped the back of his mouth and glanced up at Tom, who looked absolutely wrecked. Pupils still blown wide, chest heaving as he caught his breath. Tom scrabbled for John's hand and hauled him off his knees, kissing him hard. John gladly opened his mouth and let Tom taste himself on his tongue.

"Are you sure you've never done that before?" Tom asked breathlessly.

John laughed. "I'm certain I would have remembered if I had."

Tom chuckled and rested his forehead against John's. "Give me, give me a moment, then I shall return the favor."

"You don't have to do th--"

Tom silenced him with another kiss. "Yeah, but I want to."

They swapped positions, John on the bed, Tom kneeling in front of him. Tom stared hungrily at the bulge in the front of John's trousers and quickly worked to free him from the restraint of fabric. John couldn't help but gasp as the pressure disappeared, only to groan when it was replaced with Tom's mouth. Tom had just taken all of him in when there was a loud bang, and John's partition flew open.

"John, come quickly there's been a--" Edward Little said, before taking in the scene in front of him.

Tom pulled his mouth off of John with an uncomfortable pop, John wincing as his teeth grazed the sensitive skin.

For a moment, no one moved, no one spoke. John felt frozen in place by fear and embarrassment. Tom was looking down at the floor, while Edward was staring at the ceiling like it held all the answers to life's secrets.

Finally, Edward cleared his throat. "Right. We will discuss this later, but for now we have an urgent situation. Get dressed and meet me in the wardroom, Lieutenant. You may as well come with, Mr. Hartnell, we may need the extra hands."

With that, Edward spun on his heel and hastily left the room.

\----------

Later, after the situation had been handled, Edward immediately sought out Thomas and relayed what he'd walked in on.

"Huh." Thomas said. "That's unexpected."

"That's your reaction?" Edward said in disbelief. 

"Well it is!" Thomas replied. "Have you spoken to them yet."

"What the hell am I supposed to say?" 

"At least reassure them they won't be getting punished. You aren't going to say anything are you?"

Edward looked offended. "Of course not, I'm not a hypocrite. But," he shuffled nervously, "what if Irving is? What if, by telling him his secret is safe, he figures out ours and tells."

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "I seriously doubt he would do that, Edward. You're being paranoid."

"I know, because that could have been us Thomas."

"But it wasn't." He stepped forward into Edward's space. "We knew the risks when we started this, as I'm sure they did. They decided it was worth it. I decided you were worth it." Thomas cupped his hands around Edward's face, enjoying the rough feel of his whiskers against his palms.

"I'm not." Edward muttered.

"Shut up, yes you are." Thomas kissed him roughly. "I love you, idiot."

Edward went rigid under his grip. "What?" He whispered.

Thomas closed his eyes and groaned. "Not how I wanted to say that."

"Well then say it again." Edward said breathlessly.

A laugh bubbled out of Thomas's chest. "Alright. Edward Little, I love you."

The force with which Edward kissed him almost toppled him over. Thomas laughed again when they parted. "I love you." He said again, then again, kissing him each time.

Edward pulled back with a look of awe on his face, and a smile so powerful, Thomas half expected it to crack the ice and send them home.

"Now," Thomas said after a moment, "will you go let poor Tom and John know they are in no danger from us? Give them my congratulations, in fact. I'm glad we're not the only ones to find a bit of happiness here."

\-------

John paced the deck anxiously, fiddling with his telescope as he walked. He wasn't on watch, but he needed to move, keep busy. The cold was a good distraction from his racing heartbeat.

He knew what was coming now, had accepted that he was going to be demoted and lashed, if not worse. That terrified him of course, but not nearly as much as the idea of seeing Tom under the cat again. John remembered all too well the sickening snap of leather on skin, and the silent tears that had run down his lover's face.

He would find a way to spare him that, even if it meant a worse punishment for himself.

John was debating on which story he should go with when he heard heavy footfalls behind him.

"John."

He straightened his shoulders and turned around to face Edward Little in the eye.

"Sir." He said, as calmly as he could manage.

"Time for that talk."

Edward led him down to the orlop, and picked up Tom, who was putting on a very brave face. John's hands itched to touch him, hold him and offer him comfort.

He tried to pour all of his emotions into a glance instead. Tom's returning stare assured him the message was received. 

Edward led them to the great cabin, and shut the door firmly behind them. John was extremely nervous now. Why choose this place to meet of all places? The captain, and Jopson were only a single door away. Surely the Captain would have already been informed, if he were well, but John would rather not be humiliated in front of Jopson if it could be helped.

Edward seemed to see the wariness on John's face. "The captain is in sickbay with Dr. McDonald for the afternoon. His seizures have unfortunately become more regular. Mr. Jopson accompanied him. I assure you, this room will give us the most privacy.

Not that it would matter, John thought. Their punishment would be carried out in front of the entire company. Still, the illusion of privacy relaxed him somewhat.

Edward gestured for them to sit at the small table, held up as it was by a system of rope in an attempt to level it. They took their seats.

"This is...an incredibly awkward conversation for me, and you as well, as I'm sure, but it must be addressed." Edward began.

"Sir" Tom butted in. "It's my fault, I--"

"No, sir!" John interrupted. "If anyone is to blame it is me. I-I used my position of power to coerce Mr. Hartnell into--"

"He's lying, it was my idea!" Tom practically shouted over him. "If I hadn't--"

"Please," Edward said, holding out a hand. "Let me speak." 

They both snapped their mouths shut.

"I'm not going to say anything." He said softly.

"What?" They asked at the same time.

"It is not my place to judge where a man finds comfort in a place as bleak as this. If anyone can find an ounce of love in this forsaken land, I'd say that's something to be celebrated." He said with a small smile.

"It would also be extremely hypocritical of me." He added carefully.

John has to try very hard to not let his jaw swing open. Beside him, Tom barked out a laugh. 

"I hesitated to say anything," Edward continued, "but then I realized the benefits in having others to...talk to and relate with."

"Who is it then?" Tom asked eagerly.

"Never said I was with someone did I?" Edward retorted.

"Alright then, who do you fancy?"

"Tom, don't be rude. You're a worse gossip than my sister." John scolded, but he was smiling. 

"Hey, he said he wanted people to commiserate with, so that's what I'm doing." Tom replied cheekily. he turned back to Edward. 

Edward chuckled. "I suppose I did say that." He folded his hands in his lap and took a steadying breath, like he was preparing to jump into the ocean.

"Thomas Jopson and I are," he scrunched his nose as he grasped for the right word. "together." 

He broke out into a radiant grin as his own words sunk in. "Never said it out loud before."

John felt himself grinning too, and Tom had a matching smile on. His eyes flitted between the two men and he found himself thinking about just how adorable they both were. He wanted to feel their smiles under his lips.

John shook his head. He had come to terms with his proclivities shortly after he and Tom had admitted there was more than just friendship between them, and he knew in his heart his love was not a sin. But to covet that which is not yours? To think of someone other than your partner in such ways? He stamped that thought out immediately and turned his attention back to the conversation at hand.

Edward and Tom were swapping stories of their youth when he turned back in.

"Oh, I noticed I had no interest in the fairer sex when I was 15, and my brothers were all scrambling over each other to get our neighbor's daughter's attention. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about." Edward explained with a shrug. "But I was very good friends with their stable boy."

Tom chuckled. "John, my brother John," he clarified when John looked over, "he was always teasing me about the girl down the road, saying we were going to get married and have dozens of kids. Turns out he knew the whole time." He said wistfully. 

Edward gave him a kind smile. "I hear he was well liked. A good sailor, and a good man. I'm sorry we never had reason to meet."

"Thank you sir." Tom said with a soft expression.

"Please, call me Edward."

John laughed out loud at Tom's surprised expression.

"Just in private company, of course." Edward clarified. 

Tom nodded, still clearly dumbstruck. John was extremely tempted to kiss him again.

There was a knock on the door then, and they were joined by Thomas Jopson. "Pardon me sirs," he said with utmost professionalism, "the captain is ready to return to his quarters."

Edward shared a look with John and Tom, a sly grin on his face. "Yes, Mr. Jopson, we were just finishing up." He stood swiftly and crossed the room quickly to crowd Jopson's personal space.

Jopson's eyes were the size of dinner plates, and he opened his mouth, probably to say something professional and stewardly, when Edward kissed him.

It was chaste, barely a second before he pulled away. The look of panic on Jopson's face was quickly replaced with mirth. He smacked him gently on the chest. 

"You told them then?" He asked.

"Mmm, perhaps." Edward said cheekily.

Thomas had turned a delightful shade of red and John had to suppress yet another inappropriate thought. 

He felt a brush against his palm and looked down. Tom was lacing his fingers through John's own, emboldened by Edward's outward show of affection. He leaned in and whispered in John's ear.

"S'nice, not to be alone."

John hummed in agreement and squeezed Tom's hand. It would be lovely, if John could get a handle on his thoughts.  
\-------

The four of them began to spend more time together, as their duties allowed. Tom began lending a hand with the Captain too, not directly, but he would offer to take soiled linens to be cleaned, and he made sure the other three remembered to care for themselves as well.

It was two weeks after the Captain had fallen ill when Le Vesconte came bearing cheerful news from Erebus. A Carnivale. 

Tom was giddy at the thought. He'd have the excuse of festivities to dance with John, and if they were particularly close together, well that's the extra grog talking. 

Maybe he'd have a chance to see Edward loosen up again. He could be a lot of fun when he relaxed. Tom was saddened that Thomas couldn't go, it would have been a riot to see them dance together. As it was, Tom planned on pushing John to be Edward's dance partner.

Tom chuckled to himself as he folded the freshly laundered linens. The others thought they were subtle, and it was quite funny to watch. Edward's face reddened anytime he accidentally brushed against Tom's shoulder, and once, when Thomas tucked his hair behind his ear, John audibly sighed.

Tom wasn't sure what to make of his own feelings, and he was certain the others were just as confused, and probably ashamed, in John's case, but the chemistry between them could not be ignored. 

Just two days ago, on the rare occasion they were all together, Dr. McDonald tending the Captain, and none of them on duty, they had sequestered themselves in a quiet corner of the orlop to play cards and chat.

"So then me and John snuck up behind Betsy, thinking there was no way she'd hear us, when she turned around and scared us instead! She had prepared, right? She got into mum's rouge and powders, and made her face look a right mess. Terrifying. She whips around and shrieks like a banshee and John nearly pissed himself!" Tom cackled.

It felt good to be able to talk about his brother and not immediately feel engulfed in grief. It was still there of course, but more of a dull ache than an open wound. He was happy to tell stories of them, in simpler times, so he would be remembered as more than just a doomed sailor.

"Your sister sounds like a menace." Edward said. "I've eleven siblings, and none of them come even close to matching her ...chaotic energy."

Tom laughed. "Oh you've no idea. That was when she was three. She's only gotten worse." He replied with great fondness. "When we get back, I'm sure she'll have found many more ways to torture us."

Tom's face fell. "Me. Not us." 

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room.

"You know, I've thought over and over about what I'm going to tell them when, if, we get back. How do you tell your mother you left her son in the worst place on earth?" He choked out. 

"Well, you won't have to tell her alone." John said firmly. "I will accompany you."

Tom sniffed. "You don't have to do that. You've got your own family to get back to."

"Yes, and I'll be glad to see them. But, Tom, surely you know that you are my family now as well?" John said quietly. "And we may not be able to...express ourselves as well as I'd like to, once back home but...I intend to stay with you. If you'll have me."

Tom had been shocked that John would say something so emotional in front of others, but with Thomas and Edward he was completely at ease. The two looked at them with soft smiles. Thomas had even suggested that upon their return, the four of them could share lodgings to save on expenses. The idea sent a little thrill through Tom's body.

They turned to lighter subjects then, and spent the rest of the evening chatting and playing cards. Edward shared a few stories of his own childhood, and Thomas recounted tales from his previous expedition to the Antarctic with Captain Crozier. By the end of the evening, there were all seated next to each other, like sardines in a can, no space between them. Tom was situated in the middle, John on one side, and Thomas on the other. He couldn't remember a time he felt more content.

Tom was excited for Carnivale, as it was the perfect opportunity to explore this dynamic a little more with few, if any repercussions. If it went poorly, Tom would blame the alcohol and merrymaking for affecting his judgement. 

He was deep in thought, pondering how best to encourage John to be bold, and lamenting the fact that Thomas would not be present, when the man himself entered the room.

"Tom." He greeted cheerfully.

"Tom." Tom replied.

Thomas chuckled and absentmindedly tucked his hair back from his face. 

"That may give us some trouble, moving forward." He said, then cringed.

Tom's stomach fluttered. "Moving forward?" Then, as an aside. "And, I can't imagine it's worse than your love sharing a name with your dead brother."

Thomas paused. "Touche."

He moved further into the room, and picked up a set of clean linens. He tucked them into the crook of his arm and made to leave with only a slight nod of his head.

"Oh no you don't mate," Tom said, moving in front of the door. "What did you mean just now?"

Thomas shrugged and gave him an innocent expression, all the while trying to surreptitiously scoot around him.

Tom further blocked his path by putting his arm against the door jam.

Sighing in defeat, Thomas backed up to face him again.

"I'm spending too much time with Edward, things just sort of tumble out of my mouth these days." 

Tom nodded at him.

"I meant that we seem to be heading towards something ...unprecedented. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed." He said carefully.

Tom grinned. "I was just thinking about that actually. Wasn't sure if I should say something, I didn't want to be wrong. But I thought maybe Carnivale…" he trailed off. 

Thomas laughed. "Would loosen their inhibitions? I'd hoped so as well. Pity I can't attend. I would have liked to see you all there." 

"So you are hoping that…" Tom struggled to find adequate words.

"That we stop pretending we're not all painfully attracted to each other and do something about it? Yes. Edward and I have discussed it, and, well, if I may be so bold, we'd rather like it if you and John joined us one evening." Thomas said, looking not at Tom, but at a point just over his shoulder, embarrassment and perhaps something else causing his face to redden considerably.

Tom felt a stirring in his trousers even at those polite and proper words. "Uh," he managed to stammer out.

"I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have presumed," Thomas began, and began to inch past him again.

"Thomas. Stop." Tom said quickly. "You just surprised me is all. I didn't think myself lucky enough to entertain the idea seriously, but I can say with confidence that I would be very interested. I-I need to speak to John of course but--" 

"Yes, yes of course." Thomas replied. 

"But I think he feels drawn to you both as well." Tom finished. Excitement bubbled in his chest. Could this really be happening?

Thomas looked equally shocked and pleased. They stared at each other for a moment longer, before Thomas remembered why he was there. 

"Oh god, I've left the Captain alone! Excuse me Tom." He swiftly disappeared down the hallway.

Tom watched his backside appreciatively as he left. He bit his lip and attempted to will away his erection with little luck.

\---------

Edward sighed as he rummaged around in the supplies left by the other officers. There wasn't much to use, and Edward had no artistic abilities to speak of. He settled on a hat for his costume. It wasn't much, but Edward wasn't feeling particularly excited about Carnivale anyways. He'd always hated parties back home, and to have one here seemed utterly pointless.

He understood Fitzjames's logic, and perhaps it would bolster the men's spirits. Just not his. Begrudgingly he donned the silly hat and stood to look at himself in the small mirror next to him.

A stifled giggle reached his ears.

"Come on, is that the best you can do?" John Irving asked as he sauntered out from behind a crate. He had a cup in his hand, and a loose smile on his face. A tinsel halo sat upon his head and a pair of fabric wings were strapped to him with a length of rope. A white skirt made of disused sackcloth completed his outfit.

"Well, I certainly can't beat your costume John." Edward replied.

"Don't I look heavenly?" He snickered and gave a twirl, which quickly turned into a stumble. Edward instinctively put out his hands to steady him.

"Maybe you should hold off on drinking until the festival actually starts." Edward smirked. "We still have half a mile's walk from the ships."

John leaned into Edward's grip. "Mmm. Tom suggested I relax a little before the party."

Edward chuckled. "I doubt he meant get drunk before we even got there."

John shrugged, which sent his halo toppling to the floor. He tried to bend to pick it up, but Edward kept him firmly in place with his arm. 

"Whoa. Let me." Edward made sure John wasn't going to fall over, and then retrieved the halo. He placed it gently on his head. "You should probably secure that somehow."

"You can just hold it for me." John said simply, like this was a practical solution. "Like this." He pulled his own hands up to rest on Edward's head.

John was very close now, and Edward could smell the alcohol on his breath. "That seems impractical." Edward murmmed.

"We are very impractical people." John said as his hands traveled from the crown of Edward's head to the nape of his neck. John curled his fingers in his hair. "Impractical to love more than one person." He mused.

"John, you're drunk." Edward said gently.

"Yes." He agreed. "Only way I could be certain I could do this."

"Do what--" Edward started, but he was cut off by John's lips crashing into his.

The smell and taste of rum was almost overwhelming, but the kiss was excellent. Edward moaned and gripped John's hair in return, pulling them closer together. 

It was an altogether different experience from kissing Thomas, who usually took control and set the pace. John was slower, more reserved like Edward, and they kissed languidly, neither pushing to escalate the kiss into to something more, but neither pulling away.

Eventually the kiss ended, and they parted, Edward's chest heaving as he took slow, measured breaths.

John was hiding his face in Edward's shoulder shyly. "Sorry." He breathed.

"Don't be." Edward said. "This has been a long time coming." He wrapped his arms around John's back and swayed gently, as if they were dancing.

"I was afraid." John said after a moment. "To say anything. But then Tom talked to Thomas the other day, and I realized I wasn't the only one who felt…differently." 

Edward felt his smile even through the thick wool of his coat. He returned it with his own.

"Thomas will be very pleased when I tell him." Edward said. "He was getting tired of my pining."

John laughed. "You should have seen Tom earlier, giving me a pep talk. I think he's been waiting on me to cotton on for some time now."

"I admit I was hesitant, when Thomas first told me of his attraction; I had never considered such a thing. But with you, it was easy." Edward said, stroking his face. John's slight beard felt nice under his fingers.

John closed his eyes and hummed. Edward would have liked to continue, but loud footsteps overhead reminded him of where they were.

The both cleared their throats and separated.

"Right. See you at Carnivale?" Edward asked. He was irritated that his voice wavered slightly, betraying his uncertainty.

John gave his hand a quick squeeze. "I look forward to it."

\------

Carnivale was loud, and smokey and much more obscene than Thomas had expected. He immediately had second thoughts about bringing the Captain. Still, the image of John, singing boisterously, dressed as an angel, and drunker than a boiled owl, was something he was happy to witness.

He was scanning the crowds for a glimpse of Tom or Edward when he noticed just how much alcohol was present. He could smell it in the air, the sources rum and the astringent gin filling his nostrils. Thomas could only imagine how unbearable it was for the captain to endure.

"Sir, let me take you back. Sir." He pleaded.

Crozier would not be deterred however, and Thomas was helpless to do anything but follow him. It was a relief to run into Blanky, but literally running into Mr. Reid was less enjoyable. Thomas pulled the Captain back, putting his hand up as a barrier as Edward swooped in from nowhere to tell Mr. Reid off.

Thomas spared him a relieved look, before turning his attention back to Crozier, who was ready to address the men. 

Thomas stood and listened to Crozier's speech, and though the idea of trekking 800 miles to safety wasn't appealing, the captain made it sound at the very least possible, and Thomas felt hopeful about their chances.

That feeling lasted only a few moments. The Inuktitut woman came in soon after, bleeding from her mouth and her shoulder. Mr. Goodsir, Dr. McDonald, and the Captain were by her side immediately, speaking her language and tending her wounds.

And then all hell broke loose. 

His first priority was his duty to the Captain, and he went to his side, even as his heart was screaming at him to find Edward or John or Tom and make sure they were safe. But they had a duty to their crewmembers to put no man's life above another's. So he did what he could to help the men in his reach, guiding them out of the tents to the ice.

It was funny to see the ice as safety and sanctuary, but it was a relief to escape the flames and smoke and inhale the sharp Arctic air again. Thomas took a lungful of it in as he staggered away from the fire.

Fitzjames was the last man out, his face unreadable. The company backed just far enough away to be safe, and watched their hard work and joyful memories go up in flames. There was the faint, unmistakable, smell of meat. Thomas, stomach churned, and not only in horror.

He turned away after a moment, unable to look any longer, and began desperately scanning the crowd. He spotted John first, and picked his way across the crowd to him.

"Thomas!" He breathed out in relief when he saw him, and clasped his forearm tightly. "Have you seen Tom? Or Edward?" He asked, his voice cracking.

Thomas shook his head. "No, but I'm sure they're fine." He said with a reassuring smile he didn't feel.

John squeezed his arm harder. "Tonight was supposed to be...I-I wanted to-"

"I know. I know John." Thomas said. "And when we find them, we'll have time, yeah? So let's find them." 

John inhaled shakily, but nodded with conviction. "I'll go left, you take right. We'll meet in the middle."

They parted reluctantly, and set off in search of the others. Thomas could only hope they escaped unharmed.

\------

Tom's eyes watered in the smoke, and he felt his lungs burning in his chest, but he pushed himself forward, over the fallen bodies of his shipmates, over the prone form of Dr. Peddie, until he reached the cold night air and the safety of the ice.

He doubled over and pressed his forehead to the coolness of the snow to soothe the burns he was sure he had. He looked up only when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Tom, oh I'm glad to see you."

It wasn't one of the voices he was desperate to hear, but it filled him with joy all the same.

"Peglar, thank god you're alright." He said as he accepted a hand up.

Bridgens stood next to him, so close the light from the fire did not show between them. Tom was pleased to see they both looked unharmed.

"That's a nasty burn there." Bridgens said. "Once this fire calms down, you should see a doctor about that."

Tom looked down. "I only hope there is a doctor left to tend us after this. I saw Dr. Peddie inside. There was nothing I could do."

Peglar grimaced. "How many men do you think?" 

"We won't know until after the fire burns down." Bridgens replied. "I hope very few."

"Have either of you seen Lieutenants Little or Irving? Or Jopson?" Tom asked.

Peglar raised an eyebrow. "The captain's steward? I didn't realize you were acquainted." he said, puzzled. "But, yes, yes, he's fine I saw him just a few minutes ago. The Lieutenants as well, just over there." He pointed.

Tom almost hit the ice again in his knees. "Thank god." He choked out, unafraid of showing such emotions in front of his most trusted friend. A trusted friend who understood more than most.

"Thank you," he said. "I'm so glad you're both alright." He added before heading off in the direction Peglar indicated.

He spotted John first, and had to strongly resist the urge to run to him and crush him in a bear hug. Instead he approached at a normal pace, the soft crunch of ice and snow under his boots causing John to turn around.

"Oh thank Christ." John cried out as he closed the distance between them. He stopped just short of Tom and furtively looked around. Seeing they were mostly alone, the shadows from the fire hiding their faces, he leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss to his lips.

"I'm so relieved you're alright." He breathed. 

Tom pulled him closer in return, clutching at the lapels of his coat. He couldn't find adequate words to express the feelings coursing through him. He tried to speak, but only a pathetic squeak escaped his lips. John rubbed soothing circles into his back.

The sound of footsteps pulled them apart quickly. John overcompensated the distance and ended up over three feet away. On a different day, it may have made Tom smile at the ridiculousness of it, but just then, it only made him ache.

They both relaxed when they saw the men that approached were Thomas and Edward. Silently they each embraced Tom, one after the other. Edward's eyes were shiny, but Tom couldn't tell if the tears were from emotion or smoke irritation.

"I know we were taking our time with things," Thomas said carefully after he released Tom, "and tonight was supposed to be about testing the waters, but after what just happened....." he took a steadying breath. 

"The captain says we'll be walking soon and if something were to happen I--" he cut himself off.

Tom briefly touched his hand to his. "Yeah, I get it."

"I don't want to have regrets either." John agreed. "Once we start walking, we won't have a moment's privacy. And, I would very much like to have a private moment."

"When we return to Terror, then. Tomorrow evening, after things have settled a bit." Edward said, cutting through any remaining preamble.

The others nodded their assent, and Tom felt his heart tumble in his chest at the prospect.

With the near future settled, and the further future looming ahead, they walked back to the main group of huddled men, and together, shoulder to shoulder, they watched the fire burn and smolder as the sun began to rise.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the thirsty Thursday comes in folks. If porn ain't your thang, skip until you see the first dash line.
> 
> Also this is my first time writing a detailed sex scene, and I just jumped in and did four people. So uh, I hope it's coherent.

"Alright. How does this...work?" Edward asked.

The four of them were standing in John's quarters, which were cramped, but not uncomfortably so. They had chosen his bunk as their meeting place, as it was located slightly further from the captain's quarters than Edward's, and was easier for Tom to access.

Thomas had bribed Gibson with a leftover bottle of the captain's rum to skip tending to the first and third lieutenants that evening to prevent interruptions, and Tom's friend Peglar had been kind enough to take Tom's watch to give them the opportunity to meet.

Everything had been planned, all variables accounted for, except the actual act itself. It felt extremely awkward to Edward to have to schedule such a thing in the first place, but there was no other way to ensure they would have the time together. 

But now that they were all assembled, Edward realized he had no idea where to go from here. Judging by John's stiff posture and Tom's inability to look anyone in the eye, he assumed he was not the only one at a loss.

"Well," Thomas started, before stopping again.

"We could--" John began awkwardly, before he too, cut himself off.

"This is pathetic." Edward said into the silence.

He wasn't sure who laughed first. It could have been Tom, whose chuckle was deep and low, or it might have Thomas, his light, breathy laugh that reminded Edward of the ship's bells. Or John, with his reserved, proper Englishman chortle. 

Regardless of who started it, it set off a chain reaction and soon they were in hysterics, clutching each other in an attempt to stay upright. Edward was soon wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks, and Tom, who had given up on standing, was sprawled out on John's bed, breathing heavily.

John himself had his arm slung around Thomas's shoulders, and was smiling into his neck. Thomas had his hand firmly pressed against John's chest to hold him. Their cheeks were rosy with mirth. Thomas turned his head suddenly, and bumped noses with John.

"Sorry." He smiled.

John smiled back, wide and not like a proper gentleman at all, before swooping in to kiss Thomas. It was gentle at first, and both men parted to look at their partners. 

"Is this alright?" John asked in a small, shy voice.

Tom nodded so enthusiastically Edward was worried he was going to pull a muscle in his neck. 

"More than alright." He said.

Thomas looked at Edward and silently waited for his response.

"Please," Edward said, gesturing with his hand. "Continue."

Thomas gave him a wicked grin before turning his attention back to John. He began nibbling on John's lower lip, which made John make the most delightful moaning noise.

Edward stumbled back and sat on the bed with Tom, who was watching with rapt attention. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, and Edward could already see the fabric of his trousers tightening. 

"Tom," He whispered, afraid if he spoke too loud the moment would be broken. "Can I help you?"

Tom nodded, his eyes slipping closed. "Please."

Edward made quick work of Tom's trousers, pushing them to his ankles. He paused at his small clothes, hand hovering just above the damp spot in the fabric. He looked back up at the other two.

Thomas had moved down to John's collarbone, having discarded his coat and underclothes, leaving him bare chested. Edward could already see a love mark darkening against his skin. He paused what he was doing when he felt Edward's gaze.

"John." Thomas murmured in his ear. "Shall we join them?" He asked as his hand traveled south down John's chest.

"Ngk." John stammered out, clearly beyond words. 

Beside him, Tom whimpered, the sound shooting straight to Edward's cock. He gripped the bed and tried to steady his breathing. He hadn't even touched anyone yet, and the pressure was almost unbearable.

Thomas pulled John towards them and gently pushed him onto the floor next to the bunk, so he was between Tom's legs.

"You're going to need to show us what he likes." Thomas said. "And then I'll show you how Edward likes to be touched."

It was Edward's turn to whimper. Thomas kneeled in front of him and deftly removed his trousers and small clothes with a practiced hand. He shivered as he was exposed to the cold air. Beside him, he heard Tom make a similar noise. He watched with hungry eyes as John took Tom in his mouth, a mirror image of how he found them posed originally.

Tom sighed contentedly, and buried a hand in John's hair. His other hand lay next to him, supporting his weight. Edward tentatively placed his own hand on top. Tom flipped his hand over and threaded his fingers through Edward's. They gripped tightly to one another as their lovers pleasured them.

Thomas had swiftly taken all of Edward in, and was bobbing up and down with ease. He hummed, and the vibrations set Edward on the edge of release.

"Thomas." He gritted out. 

Thomas smiled around his length, sucking hard once more before pulling away. "Yes?"

"Please, I want you. I want to finish inside you." 

Thomas's pupils blew wide at the suggestion, and he immediately got up to retrieve the rapeseed oil he'd had the forethought to bring.

John groaned loudly, his mouth still working Tom, his own hands pressing down against his own heat. Tom laughed. 

"I think he'd like to see that if--ah, John, Christ, if you don't mind." Tom panted. He gently pushed John away.

"I'm gonna come if you keep that up." 

"Isn't that the point?" John smirked.

"Not if you want me inside you first." 

That shut John up quickly, and he held out an impatient hand for his own portion of oil. Thomas obliged, and they both slicked their fingers. John had almost begun to ready himself when Edward spoke.

"Wait."

John paused with his fingers hovering just above his entrance.

"Could you...would you like to prepare each other?" He suggested.

Thomas grabbed him in a messy kiss. "You're absolutely filthy."

"And a genius." John added. 

They maneuvered into position on the floor and Edward quickly scrambled off the bed to join them. Tom had the sense to grab the pillow and blanket, and followed suit.

Thomas got his fingers in first and the way John bucked his hips at the sensation sent Edward spinning. He made his way over to him, and cupped his face in his hands while Thomas worked him.

"You alright?" He asked.

John nodded. "Oh, Thomas, please, right there." He pushed back into Thomas's fingers.

Tom came up behind Edward and briefly ran his hands over his shoulders. 

"Why do you still have clothes on?" He asked.

"Why do you?" Edward retorted.

They took a moment to shed their remaining clothes. Thomas was still wearing his shirt, but they couldn't remove it while his hand was preoccupied.

"Tom," John said breathlessly, "I'm ready."

Like dancers, Thomas and Tom switched places, and Edward watched as Tom sunk himself into John. They both shuddered and groaned in delight. John's cock, still untouched, trembled with every one of Tom's thrusts.

"Someone, please, please touch me." John begged.

Edward didn't need telling twice. He took him in hand and began stroking him in time with Tom's thrusts. It didn't take long before John cried out, spending himself all over Edward's hand and chest. 

"Fuck, that's….my god." Tom groaned. He picked up his pace and came shortly after.

Thomas watched all of this with hungry eyes. He had rid himself of his shirt, and, in a fit of impatience, was riding his own fingers to prepare himself for Edward.

"Sorry," he panted. "I couldn't wait any longer. you all look so damn good." He said to them. 

Edward quickly wiped his hand on the linens. "You're quite the sight yourself." He replied. He turned away from John to line up with Thomas.

"Ready?"

Thomas nodded eagerly. Edward pushed into the warm heat of Thomas slowly, letting himself enjoy the feeling of being surrounded by his lover before beginning to move.

"Thomas," Tom began, his voice still trembling slightly. "Can I touch you?"

Thomas moaned and pushed back into Edward. "Yes, oh, please."

Tom kissed Thomas gently as he took him in hand. The sight of them kissing drove Edward closer to release, and he quickened his pace Tom didn't stutter in his movements as he matched his speed.

Thomas bucked into Tom's hand and came with a muffled shout, burying his face in Tom's shoulder as he stroked him to completion.

Edward lasted through one, two more thrusts, and then he too was spilling over. He trembled as he pulled out of Thomas, so much he had to steady himself on Thomas's back.

The four of them collapsed into a heap on the floor, panting heavily. Edward didn't know whose hands belonged to who, but he grabbed the nearest one and kissed the back of it.

John giggled as he pressed his lips to the skin. 

"We should clean up, before this dries." He said reluctantly.

"John, I can't feel my legs, please give a man a moment to recover." Tom replied.

Edward chuckled and sat back up. "I've got it."

He swayed slightly on his feet as he moved to grab a linen from John's bedside table. He wet the towel with the basin of water on the nightstand, cracking the thin layer of ice on top before he did so.

"This is going to be cold." He warned before he placed it on John's torso.

He yelped slightly at the cold, but quieted as Edward worked. John hummed his appreciation as he finished. Thomas took the linen from him and began to take care of Tom, and then himself.

The most pressing concern dealt with, they curled back around one another on top of the blanket. Tom shivered in the chilly air.

"Do we have something else to cover up with?" He asked.

"There's extra blankets in the linen closet." Thomas said. 

"That would require you to get dressed." John pointed out. 

"Ugh, nevermind."

"Here," Edward said, grabbing their coats. "This will do."

He slung his coat around Tom's shoulders, and was filled with unexpected warmth at seeing him in his clothes.

Eventually, Thomas did have to get up, dress, and fetch proper blankets in order for them to sleep, but for that moment, the four of them were content to crawl into their coats and press close together for warmth.

They spent the night trading lazy kisses and running hands down chests and through hair. Edward felt totally, completely, content in ways he never had before.

Tomorrow would come too soon, and they would be forced to go back to their duties- tending the captain, making plans for their long walk, counting stores, and keeping watch, but for now Edward put those things out of his mind, determined to just enjoy something for once.

Edward sandwiched himself between Thomas and John, reaching his hand out to brush Tom's hair from where he rested on John's other side.

Despite the dark situation they found themselves in, Edward was truly happy, and he would fight to hold onto that happiness, whatever it took.

He drifted off to sleep thinking of his lovers, and slept peacefully for the first time since the ships had been frozen in.

\----

It was two weeks after the disaster of Carnivale, and the crew was still picking up the pieces, emotionally, and physically. There was little of value to salvage from the fire, but that didn't matter much, most of the supplies used for Carnivale had been destined to be left behind anyways. 

There were too many dead to carry the half-mile back to the ships, so they gave them as best of a burial as could be managed out on the ice. John had spent a moment with each man, praying over their bodies, and hoping that their souls would find peace.

There was little time to mourn otherwise. John was immediately thrown into preparations for their departure. The captain wanted to wait until there were at least eight hours of light, which put their leaving date somewhere in the next three weeks.

John would admit, late at night when he had a moment of privacy with one of his lovers, that he was frightened. So many things could go wrong on the long walk. It was 800 miles to the Hudson Bay Company, and although John was hopeful that Lieutenant Fairholme was on his way back with supplies and help, they couldn't count on it. John had done some calculating, and without Fairholme's extra supplies, they would need to find game to supplement their rations, or they would run out of food before they reached their destination.

Add to that the harsh elements, and the possibility of an attack by the creature, and the trip began to sound truly perilous.

Not that remaining on the ships was a better option. They'd starve here too. But at least on the ships, surrounded by wood and heated with coal, there was the illusion of safety. There were small comforts here that would not be found on the ice and shale. No more beds, no more separate quarters with thick walls.

No privacy at all.

It was painfully unfair, to have found happiness in a place where he could not enjoy it freely. This thing between him and the others was so new and thrilling. All he wanted to do was spend time with them, not even in a physical way, though he had very much enjoyed that, but in any way at all.

He wanted to learn everything about Thomas and Edward, and to continue learning about Tom. What their favorite color was, how they liked their tea, how Jopson got that scar on his leg. How best to make Edward laugh, and when did Tom learn how to juggle?

He wanted to tell them stories of himself. His family, his time in Australia, his dreams of the future. How he imagined buying a tiny cottage, perhaps by the sea or maybe in the country, where the four of them could live freely without threat of exposure. Tom could have that garden he's always wanted, and Edward could raise horses. John wasn't too keen on the last idea, but Edward was passionate about the strange, unsettling creatures, so John would put up with their presence.

He didn't discuss these things with them though. John was afraid to say any of his thoughts aloud, as if to wish for a future would make it less likely they would make it home. The odds were already stacked against them. He prayed to God every night that they would make it through.

There was a niggling doubt in his mind, despite what he had told Mr. Hickey, that God could not see them here. It made him feel terribly isolated. His connection to his faith had been his one constant in life, but under the pressure of the Arctic ice, it had been faltering.

More and more frequently, he found himself turning to Tom and Edward and Thomas for comfort and reassurance. They spent every night together they could, cherishing the time they had left.

It wasn't enough.

\---------

Tom wrung his hands together in anticipation as he waited for his lovers to return from the officers meeting. Thomas was able to sit in, being a steward, so it was just Tom left in the dark. 

The meeting was to discuss the advanced party that would leave the ships first, make their way to King William Land, and set up a base camp to await the rest of the men. Edward expected he would be the one to lead it, but they weren't sure who else would be assigned to it. If he and John were able to go with Edward's advance party, Thomas would remain behind with the Captain. There was a possibility that Edward would be sent without them, or perhaps only one of them would go with Edward, and the other behind with Thomas. No matter how it was split, they would be spending some time apart, with no way of knowing how the others were faring.

Tom chewed at his cuticles. He had dog watch in a few hours, and he knew he should get some sleep, but there was no way he could drift off without knowing the outcome of the meeting. It had been two hours and Tom was in agony.

Never had he imagined he would be lucky enough to have not one, not two, but three amazing people he could call his loves. The downside to this of course was he now had more to lose than ever before. Three more people to worry about in the unforgiving Arctic landscape. Three times the chance of something going wrong.

Three more people he loved that death could touch. And death touched many things in this frozen place.

He had already lost so much, and yet he couldn't help but invite them into his heart. John, with his unwavering faith, kind words and soft smile. Edward and his beautiful, sad eyes that cheered when Tom peppered him with kisses, or when John made him laugh. And Thomas, steadfast and smart, always making sure they all had room and time to be together, even if just for a few precious moments.

He knew that if his brother were still alive, he would tease Tom about his soft heart.

"You're going to get in trouble, one of these days Tommy." He had said, ruffling young Tom's hair.

"I just don't see why I have to pick between them is all! Can't I marry both of them?" Tom had pouted in return, holding two of Mary Ann's paper dolls, one man, one woman, in his hands.

John had looked at him, a wistful expression on his face. "No buddy, I'm sorry." 

He was pondering further about what his brother would say now about his situation, when he heard heavy footsteps coming down the orlop.

He jumped up from the crate he'd been sitting on and hurried to great them. He had to stop himself from grabbing John's hand. They were still in a very visible space.

"Well?" Tom asked.

"It'll be just me." Edward said. "You three will follow in the second group. I'll be taking 50 men with me--"

"And why can't I be one of them?" Tom demanded. "Or John?"

Edward sighed. "Crozier had already made the lists. He doesn't want to risk two Lieutenants on an advance party. And it was really just luck of the draw for ABs."

This had been one of the worst case scenarios. That three of them would be one place, and one would be alone. Tom looked between the other three. Edward was putting on a stoic face, John looked sad, and Thomas resigned.

"How long till you head out?" Tom asked quietly. 

"Two days. Captain doesn't want to waste any time."

"We'll follow in four days." John added. "Won't hardly be any time apart."

"I've made that trip, John." Tom replied. "And we all know how that went. The ice is that thing's territory. It has the advantage out there."

Edward squeezed his shoulder. "We're fairly certain it's dead, or run off. I'll be fine." He gave a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but fell short.

Tom huffed. "I hate this."

"I don't think any of us are keen on it, heart." John replied gently.

Tom's anger deflated at the use of John's nickname. He was extremely fond of them, and used a different one for each one of them. Edward always pretended to be upset when John called him Neddie, but Tom knew he loved it. Thomas had yet to be given one, but it was only a matter of time.

Tom risked leaning into John for a brief moment. He placed his head on his shoulder and whimpered softly.

"My stupid, soft heart." he mumbled.

"What?" John said.

"Not important."

Thomas gently pulled back on Tom's shoulder. "Tom."

He looked at him with an expression so full of concern, so tender, Tom almost lost it right there.

"Besides, not much of a loss, if I go, right? You've still got these two." Edward said in a self-deprecating tone.

The three of them whipped their heads around so fast, Tom was sure they would all be aching later.

"No." Thomas said sharply.

John was speechless, but his face was dark and downcast.

"Don't even joke about that." Tom snarled. "You are just as important to me as them. Don't you dare compare your worth against theirs. I love you just as much."

"You love me?"

"Why does that surprise you every time?" Thomas sighed in exasperation.

Tom cursed under his breath. That was exactly the thing he'd been trying to avoid saying this whole time. It was ridiculous, to fall in love with one person in as short a time as two weeks, let alone three. It was embarrassing. He hadn't wanted them to know.

They couldn't possibly feel the same way. His soft heart had finally gotten him into trouble. 

A small grin made its way onto Thomas's face. "Edward, this is the second time someone has declared their love for you while yelling at you."

Edward groaned. "I know, what is with that?"

"It's because you're terribly frustrating, Neddie."

"Please, don't call me that."

"Sorry, it's stuck now." John replied smoothly.

Edward fixed him with a glare, before turning back to Tom.

Tom swallowed hard. This was the moment of rejection. His feelings always hit too fast, too hard, and it scared people. 

It scared him.

"Tom." Edward said.

He was smiling. They were all smiling. Tom's stomach did a nervous flip.

And then Edward was kissing him. 

"Seriously not a great time." Thomas muttered, shoving them further down the hall. "As adorable as this is, we are very visible."

Edward flapped his hands at Thomas, without disengaging from Tom. He pulled him closer in fact. Tom could hear John chuckle behind him.

Finally Edward broke away. His smile hadn't diminished, if anything it was larger now, and the sullen mood from earlier had lifted.

"I shall miss you terribly while we are apart, but those words will sustain me until we meet again." He said.

Tom blushed. "If it keeps you sensible, then I'm glad to have said it. Take care of yourself, Edward. You're important."

"I will be alright." Edward said, this time with more confidence. 

"Good." The three of them replied.  
\---------

Thomas refused to let their last night together be somber. Having control of the pantry came in handy at times, and he used his privilege to swipe some of the better chocolates and biscuits, as well as Allsop's usually reserved for officers dinners. 

Thomas didn't feel an ounce of guilt taking the extra rations. They had more chocolate than they knew what to do with, and most, if not all of the alcohol would be staying behind. Better not to let it go to waste.

Having secured their bounty, Thomas made his way over to John's cabin with practiced ease, avoiding the creakiest parts of the ship. He doesn't bother knocking, and instead uses his foot to wiggle the partition open wide enough to slip through.

Tom was already there, expertly constructing a nest of blankets and pillows in the center of the room. After their first time together, they quickly realized one set of linens was not enough, and brought extras, rather than freeze on the floor.

Thomas put down his armful of goodies on John's bedside table before bending over to place a kiss on the top of Tom's head. 

Tom made a noise similar to a cat being woken from a deep sleep and stretched up into the contact.

"Hello." Tom said.

"Hi Tom." Thomas replied as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Tom purred again. "How was you day?" He asked.

Thomas sighed and turned to pour himself a glass of Allsop's. "Miserable, but not for any reason you'd expect."

"Oh?" Tom perked up in interest. He could always tell when Thomas had a particularly juicy story. 

"Captain Fitzjames was over today from Erebus, finalizing some details with Crozier before the first party's departure tomorrow." Thomas explained as he handed a glass and a square of chocolate to Tom.

"Arguing again?" Tom assumed, taking a long drink of the Allsop's.

"Worse."

"Oh no, were they flirting?" Tom moaned.

"It was unbearably awkward, Tom! Like they forgot I was in the room with them. Y'know, I don't think they even realize they're doing it." Thomas said, lowering himself down next to Tom.

"No one is that dense." Tom argued.

Thomas looked him dead in the eye and took a long sip of his drink. "Edward."

"Point taken. Continue."

"So, here I was, stuck in the great cabin with them, Fitzjames going on about something or other and Crozier is just. Staring. And I recognize that look. That pining, far off dazed expression."

"Edward?" Tom asked.

"Yeah. He was…not subtle." Thomas laughed. 

"So I'm stuck there, refilling drinks for an hour-"

Thomas paused when he heard the partition slide open again. It was John, looking extremely tired, but he smiled brightly at them all the same. He all but collapsed onto the floor on the other side of Tom.

"Edward should be along shortly. Just finishing up." He said in lieu of a greeting. 

"You look dead on you feet, John. What were you doing today?" Tom asked with concern.

"Some of the sledges still needed loading. They didn't want to have to do it tomorrow. They want to head out at first light."

"Did you load them by yourself?" Thomas asked.

"I may have overdone it." He admitted, wincing as he leaned over to accept a glass from Thomas. Their hands brushed as he did so, and Thomas let the touch linger.

Tom clicked his tongue. "You shouldn't push yourself so hard. We start walking soon too you know."

John closed his eyes and grimaced. "I know."

"Let's not dwell on that." Thomas replied. "There are much better uses for our time."

Tom raised an eyebrow. Thomas hit him with a pillow.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well now I'm disappointed." Tom said, pretending to be put out. 

Thomas shoved him again. He fell, laughing, into John's lap, where he stayed, making himself comfortable. Thomas moved over to fill the gap he left.

"You're terrible Tom." John chuckled. 

"Terribly consumed with lust." He said cheekily.

"I am going to kiss you so you will be silent." John replied.

"No, how terrible! I'm being repressed! Thomas, Thomas help me!" He gasped dramatically before John covered his mouth with his own.

A tired laugh from behind them.

"What in God's name are you harking on about?" Edward asked.

"I'm being tortured." Tom said.

"Uh-huh."

"It's quite gruesome."

"Oh yes, I can see you are suffering." Edward smiled, accepting a drink from Thomas with a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

They had gotten so comfortable with each other in just a few weeks, Thomas mused. He watched with delight as Edward joined John in 'torturing' Tom, pressing small kisses to Tom's fingers as he deftly stole his glass and held it at arm's length.

"Oh, now this is actual torture." Tom pouted. "I don't get that stuff on the regular you know, unlike some spoiled lieutenants I could mention."

Thomas laughed. He wasn't sure how they'd gotten here so quickly, but he was grateful. They had precious little time together, and these memories would help them weather the darkest days to come. 

\----

Edward was cold. This he had expected of course, considering he was sleeping on ice, with only a few blankets and the canvas tent separating him from the elements, but he hadn't slept alone in several weeks, and not having a warm body or three to curl up next to, the ice seemed particularly chilling.

He turned onto his side and huffed, his breath puffing out in front of him. They were two days on the ice, and by Mr. Reid's observations, they were close to King William Land, but it would be another two days of hauling before they made land.

Edward needed to sleep. His body was exhausted from hauling. He needed to appear strong and unbothered for the men. But try as he might, sleep eluded him. 

Flopping over onto his stomach, he suppressed the urge to whine, aware that he was not alone in the tent. Le Vesconte was merely a foot away, seemingly asleep. He hated the man in that moment, for being able to drift off so easily.

_Only a few more days._ He thought. _Then you'll see them again._

\-------

"Do you think he's eating alright?" Tom whispered into the dark.

John pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Knowing him, he's been giving up his rations to the ill."

"Self-sacrificing bastard." Thomas muttered into his pillow.

They curled closer together, trying not to feel the empty space around them.


	3. Three

Never in his life had John seen a more beautiful sight than the dozen canvas tents dotting the landscape of King William Island. He wanted to collapse and kiss the shale, then run breakneck into camp to find Edward, but there was still work to be done. He saw Thomas in passing as he helped pitch the rest of the tents, and he spotted Tom's blonde hair unloading a sledge, but, as it had been for the rest of the trip, there was not a moment to speak with them.

He was relieved to set his things next to Edward's in the officer's tent that afternoon. He was unpacking a few things from his satchel when the rustling of the tent flaps alerted him to another presence.

John smiled wide as Edward entered the tent.

His sideburns were no longer separated, but met in the middle to form a scruffy beard. His hair was longer, and it curled up around his ears and hat. He looked tired, but he too was smiling.

John wasted no time in embracing him. He buried his head in his shoulder, which was thinner than he remembered, and inhaled deeply. Edward smelled like campfire smoke and sweat. It wasn't pleasant at all, and John didn't care a bit.

"Hello." Edward said.

"Mmff" John responded.

Edward gently pushed John back. "Let me see your face." He said, cupping his chin in his hand.

"Getting a bit scruffy there John." He said as he turned his head back and forth.

"You're one to talk." John retorted playfully. "Looks handsome on you though."

Edward leaned in for the briefest of kisses. "You flatter me."

"I speak only the truth." John responded. 

A throat cleared behind them, outside of the tent.

"Excuse me sirs, am I interrupting?"

Edward's eyes lit up at the sound of Thomas's voice, and John had to stamp down a kernel of jealousy. They had been together longer, if only by a week or so, and John sometimes had to remind himself that each of their relationships was different, and that it didn't mean Edward didn't care for him also.

What they were doing was not done often, and some people might doubt the authenticity of their bonds, John knew them to be true and real. It didn't make it any less confusing.

He mentally shook himself out of his thoughts as Thomas opened the tent flap and peeked inside.

"Sirs." He said formally, as there were men passing by.

"Ah, Mr. Jopson, a word please." Edward said in his stiffest Lieutenant voice.

Thomas ducked inside the tent and tied the flaps shut behind him tightly.

"Hi." He said. 

Edward embraced him tightly, inhaling his scent much like John had just done to him.

"God I've missed you." He whispered. 

"Likewise." Thomas replied. "Are you well? How did you fare on your trip?"

Edward exhaled heavily. "It was difficult. As I told the captain earlier, even the strongest of our party were put to the test. I'm so glad to be on solid ground again. And you?" he asked, gaze flitting between the two of them. "Are you alright?"

The concern in his voice warmed John to the core. "Fine. Though Tom got a bit of a sunburn on his nose." John answered.

"I've managed to secure a place in his tent." Thomas said. "We might not be all together, but I'm glad no one will be alone."

"Just be careful. You'll have other men in there too." Edward cautioned. "Don't be too familiar with each other."

"We'll keep the sex to a minimum." Thomas deadpanned.

John snorted. "As we will, lest Le Vesconte get suspicious."

Edward shook his head fondly. 

"What am I going to do with you two?"

John and Thomas gave him matching mischievous grins.

\--------  
Tom was delighted to see Thomas's rucksack set next to his own next time he stopped by his tent. He wasn't sure how he'd managed it—the captain's steward certainly wouldn't normally bunk with the ABs, but Thomas was always an expert at pulling off the impossible.

He didn't see any of them until suppertime, having been kept busy helping with any number of tasks, but as soon as they had been served their veal cutlet tomato mystery meat, they met up in a quiet corner of camp to have their meal together.

If anyone passing by thought it strange that two Lieutenants were supping with a steward and an AB, no one said anything. There were much stranger things afoot than officers mingling with their subordinates.

Tom pushed the slop they were calling food around his plate with his fork.

"What I wouldn't give for my mum's cooking." He sighed.

Edward made a noise of agreement. "My mother isn't particularly skilled in the kitchen, her talents lay elsewhere, but I would gladly eat one of her attempts at an English breakfast."

"Your sisters do most of the cooking then?" Tom asked.

"Ah no. Um. Usually our housemaid would take care of that." Edward said quickly, as if the words were scalding his tongue.

It did sting a bit, the blatant reminder that Edward came from money, and that even if their relationship was not already looked down upon, even if Tom had been born a woman, Edward and he would not have a chance in proper English society.

In moments like these, Tom had the deranged hope they wouldn't make it back, that the four of them could live here, where no one would judge them, and they could live openly.

It was a sick thought, quickly dismissed. He wanted nothing more than to return home and see his family again. He wanted them all to be safe and happy. He was just afraid that once out of danger, what they had built here would not stand up to the pressures of society.

He felt John nudge his shoulder.

"Where did you go?" He asked.

"Sorry."

"You're fine. We're all a little more frayed than normal." Thomas replied.

As if to drive that point home, a loud yelling began to pierce the night. They all immediately abandoned their dinners to investigate.

Later, after Tom had helped put Morfin's body in the stores tent, he lay awake, curled as close to Thomas as he dared, thinking of his mother's blood pudding and how he'd never be able to eat it again without his stomach churning.

\-------

Thomas couldn't stop staring at the thin paper he had been presented. He read Crozier's cramped handwriting over and over.

_I hereby promote Thomas Jopson, Captain's steward to Third Lieutenant._

"Look at your face." Fitzjames said. His face was difficult to read, but Thomas could tell he was pleased.

The smiles on John and Edward's faces were like twin suns, almost blinding to look at. They both came to shake his hand, and Thomas struggled to keep his feelings in check.

"Good luck." Edward chuckled.

"Thank you." Thomas managed to say, still in shock.

He looked to Crozier, who had a small smile on his face, and nodded to him. Thomas had never felt more appreciated and seen than in that moment.

"Right then, Lieutenant Jopson, you'll be leaving with Lieutenant Le Vesconte on the eastern hunting party. John, you'll go south with Hodgson. Take Hickey and Armitage, I want them to be watched carefully. I suspect that they have not finished making trouble for us.

Thomas saw John visibly swallow. He knew how much Hickey unnerved him, and with good reason. The slimy bastard was cruel and capricious, and Thomas wouldn't put it past him to try something else to usurp the captain's authority.

They file out of the tent shortly afterwards, each to their tasks. Thomas was excited to tell Tom the news, but he didn't see him anywhere. Still helping with Mr. Morfin most likely, as Hodgson was nowhere to be seen either.

He hated to admit it, as it seemed childish, but he was a little disappointed he had not been assigned to go south with John. It would have been nice to travel such a distance with familiar company, even if it was amongst others. He kicked a rock in his path with more force than necessary as he made his way to the sled he was meant to be packing.

"I figured you would be in higher spirits." Said a voice to his left.

Thomas managed to not jump, but Le Vesconte still chuckled at him.

"Apologies, I didn't mean to startle you."

"No need to apologize sir."

"Please, call me Dundy. You're a ranking officer now, we can afford to be more informal." Le Vesconte said with a smile.

Thomas nodded. 

Le Vesconte looked at him like he was trying to figure out a particularly difficult puzzle. Thomas resisted the urge to squirm.

"Would you like to switch with Hodgson and go south with Irving?" Le Vesconte asked suddenly.

"Wh-what makes you say that?" Thomas asked, trying to keep his voice even.

Le Vesconte shrugged. "Irving seemed on edge about the prospect of taking Hickey with him. You two work well together, and between you and me, Hodgson is a little too soft to handle Hickey if something were to happen."

Thomas let out the breath he had been holding. For a moment he thought Le Vesconte knew.

"If you think that's best, sir, I'd be happy to." Thomas replied evenly.

"Dundy." He corrected.

"Yes, Dundy of course." 

Le Vesconte gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder, and began packing the sled that was supposed to be theirs.

"John's just over there," he said, pointing to the far side of camp. "Try not to have too much fun," he winked.

Thomas did his best not to dwell on his comments as he jogged over to John's sled.

\----------

When Thomas had approached and told him that he'd be taking Hodgson's place on the hunting party, John felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. Now, with time almost up, and the need to cover more ground apparent, John was extra grateful when Thomas offered to take Mr. Hickey with him.

John took him aside before they split up.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

"If he tries anything, I'll shoot him like the hawk he is." Thomas said simply. "We don't have time to deal with his games anymore."

John ignored the shiver of want that travelled down his spine at the tone of Thomas's voice. It was dark and commanding, and John wanted nothing more than to hear that voice in his ear.

"Right. Be careful." He said instead. "Please."

Thomas nodded. "You too."

Had they been alone, they would have embraced and kissed goodbye. As it was, John settled for a quick squeeze of his hand.

"We'll meet back here in an hour."

They parted, and John had to fight himself not to look back.

\-----

It had been nerve wracking, watching John and Thomas leave the relative safety of camp to walk into the unforgiving emptiness in search of food. Edward wrung his hands together again, twisting his gloves over his fingers. They'd be back soon, hopefully with good news.

The captain and Fitzjames had left for the Victory Point Cairn, to update their previous message, and that left Edward in charge of the camp entire. The fresh water parties were all assembled, ready to go out as soon as their were more officers to spare, and the camp was almost peaceful in its quiet.

Edward sat in his tent, journal open to a blank page. He dipped the nib of his pen into the inkwell and let it drip on the page. He was beyond words at this point, and his hands no longer had the dexterity for drawing, so he wasn't sure what he was attempting to do. Huffing in frustration, he flipped the book closed. The puff of air caused a loose piece of parchment to dislodge itself and flutter to his feet. 

It was folded on itself twice, and didn't look to be a page from his journal. Gently, he unfolded it to reveal a page full of short sentences and snippets of poems. Some were scribbled out, others circled, all written in Tom' unmistakably neat and flowing handwriting.

_ <s>To my most precious</s> _

_ <s>Love's eternal bond</s> _

_O my Luve's like a red, red rose  
That's newly sprung in June_

Next to these, were sketches of rings. Some broad, the word _gold?_ written next to it, others more slender. Some with inlaid stones, others plain. One in particular caught Edward's eye.

It was thinner than the others, and more feminine, with tiny flowers engraved all the way around. The notation beside it said _silver, with or without dotted border??_

It was very clear to Edward that this paper was not supposed to be in his possession, and he wondered how it had ended up here. Tom would be mortified if asked about it directly, and he should pretend he'd never seen it, but he couldn't stop staring at the paper in awe.

On a whim, Edward picked up his pen and circled the ring with the inlaid flower design._ I like this one,_ he wrote in his atrocious handwriting, _with dots._

Carefully, he folded it back up and slipped it into his journal. He'd have to devise a way to return it without Tom noticing.

Edward smiled to himself as he opened his journal again and began to write.

\--------

Getting the Netsilik man to agree to come back with them was incredibly difficult, given the language barrier, but John managed. The rest of the family group went on their way, as John tried to convey his gratitude. Thankfully, the man seemed to understand, or at the very least, was curious enough to follow John back to the meeting point he'd arranged with Thomas. The two men with him, Farr and Armitage were hesitant about the Netsilik man, and Armitage especially seemed on edge. 

John walked between him and Koveyok, as the man was called, the whole way back.

Upon rendezvousing with the others, they made haste in returning to camp. Thomas had picked up on a few Netsilik words from the captain, and was able to better explain the situation to Koveyok, who looked at them with visible concern.

"We must seem like such fools to him." John commented as they walked. Koveyok was in front with Mr. Farr, with John and Thomas forming a solid wall between him and the others.

"I am surprised he agreed to help us." John continued.

"The Netsilik are a kind people, from what Crozier has told me. Possibly kinder than we deserve." Thomas said.

John could only nod in agreement.

The walk back seemed to take hardly anytime at all. As they arrived, Hickey slinked off, and though John was glad to be rid of him, he had an uneasy feeling about it. 

John took Koveyok to Mr. Blanky immediately, as Thomas ran to fetch the other officers. The Captain and Fitzjames were still on their walk to the cairn, Blanky explained, but hopefully would return soon. 

Someone had the foresight to alert Mr. Goodsir to Koveyok's arrival, and soon he and Lady Silence had joined them. It was clear she knew Koveyok, and she greeted him warmly. This put Koveyok at ease, more so than speaking to Mr. Blanky had.

By now the command tent was properly crowded, and John excused himself to get some air, as he wasn't strictly needed. Edward and Thomas could fill him in later. He stepped outside and for once was grateful for the chilled air.

An even more welcome sight was Tom, hovering in the shade of a neighbouring tent, clearly eavesdropping. John had to laugh at the sight.

"You know we'd have told you everything anyhow." He said as he caught Tom's eye.

Tom had the sense to look embarrassed. "Yeah, well, you know I'm not very patient."

John scoffed. "That's patently untrue. You were incredibly patient with me."

"That took all of my reserves I'm afraid. All out of patience now." He said with a grin.

"Terribly sorry then." John replied.

"Eh, I think you were worth it." Tom teased.

They bantered back and forth a bit more until the tent opened up, and Edward and Thomas emerged.

They were both smiling.

"Lady Silence vouched for us. Told Koveyok we we were 'mostly good people'. They're suffering a hard year as well though, so they can't help us much with food." Edward explained.

"But, they are willing to show us a few things, like how to catch seal, and trade. Koveyok wants to bring captain Crozier back to their settlement, to talk more." Thomas continued. "They may know a faster route to the Hudson Bay Company.

John almost jumped for joy, but restrained himself. Things were finally, finally looking up.

He wanted to cry, to hold his loves against his chest and thank God for this blessing. They had a chance now. They might actually make it home.

\-------

The captains made it back to camp shortly after, and plans were made for a small party to head out the next morning, but for now, everyone sorely needed rest. Silna, as they learned was Lady Silence's proper name, and Koveyok helped divvy up some of the fresh seal meat he had brought to those who needed it most. Mr. Goodsir said that amount of meat wouldn't cure the scurvy, but it would help those who were weakest stave off the worst.

Before retiring to his own tent, Edward overheard Fitzjames arguing with Crozier near the command tent.

"No, other men need it more than I."

"James you just told me today your gums are bleeding. Dr. Goodsir says that's a very serious sign."

"Francis, I told you I'm fine." Fitzjames insisted.

"Don't make me force it down your throat." Crozier spat back.

There was a heavy beat of silence and then.

"Stop making that face, I didn't mean it like that. You're incorrigible James." Crozier said in a stern voice that was undercut by his laughter.

Edward stifled his own chuckle into his fist and kept walking.

He found his tent amongst the sea of others and began undoing the ties on the flap. He heard quiet whispers and muffled laughter from inside. Edward raised an eyebrow. 

When he opened the flap, he saw not only John, who he expected, but Tom and Thomas as well.

"Since I'm an officer now, clearly I need to sleep in an officer's tent." Thomas said, instead of hello.

"I just snuck in." Tom explained.

Edward was delighted beyond words to find them all here. "Are you planning on staying the night?"

"Of course." Thomas replied. "I'd like to get a good night's sleep for once, and I find it difficult if one of you is missing." He said honestly, a tinge of color blooming on his cheeks.

"Likewise." Edward replied, kicking off his boots and removing his outerwear in a hurry. As soon as he was free of the confines of his slops and jacket, he all but launched himself at the trio. Thomas caught him as he came falling down. 

The other two were on him in an instant. Edward felt kisses being placed on his shoulders, behind his ears, and atop his head. Thomas kissed him softly on the lips.

"I've missed this." He said when he pulled away. He was leaning over to capture Tom's lips now, and Edward felt warmth bubble up in his chest.

John reached over and threaded his fingers through Edward's own. He leaned his head against his shoulder. 

"Aren't they beautiful Neddie?" He hummed, watching Thomas and Tom get lost in each other.

"Yeah, we do make a nice picture together, don't we?" Tom said, dramatically striking a pose. Thomas laughed.

"We all do." He agreed.

"Neddie?" John asked suddenly. "Why are you crying?"

"Hm? Oh." Edward reached up to touch his cheek. It was wet.

"What's wrong, did we do something?" Thomas asked quickly.

"No! No, no it's just. I'm. I'm happy." He said, the word sounding foreign oh his tongue. "We have a chance of making it home, and, I'd very much like to keep doing...this." he gestured vaguely with the hand not held by John.

"If, if you want to," he added hastily.

"Edward, of course I do."

"Yes."

"Without a doubt."

Edward squeezed John's hand tightly, and took a moment to look into each of their eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only air came out. He wanted to say it, he wanted to tell them how much he loved them, but the words kept getting stuck in his throat.

Thomas sensed he was struggling and reached up to caress his face. 

"We love you too."

For once, Edward was thankful for his easily readable expressions.

They arranged themselves amongst the blankets, Edward in the middle by unspoken agreement. John lay curled on his left, Tom pressed close to his back, while Thomas made himself comfortable on Edward's chest.

"We'll need to get up before anyone else in camp is awake." Edward reminded them.

"Yeah, yeah" Tom muttered. "John'll be up first, he always has to piss early in the morning."

John lightly smacked Tom's hip. "Don't be crude." 

Edward felt John press closer to him as Tom grinded against John.

"Oh that wasn't even close to as crude as I can be." Tom whispered mischievously. 

"Tom." Edward said in a warning tone. 

"Yes?" Tom replied innocently.

"We cannot...do that here. Someone will hear us."

"Not if we're quiet. We had to be quiet on the ship." Tom reasoned.

"Thinner walls here, heart." John said. "and the tents are pitched so close together."

"Hrrmph." Tom pouted.

Thomas chuckled. "Soon enough we'll be out of here, we can find a little cottage somewhere and be as loud as you want."

John lifted his head off his pillow to look at Thomas. " I was just thinking the same thing the other day. You know, my brother owns a small plot of land…"

Edward's eyes began to droop listening to John and Thomas discussing their future plans, and he drifted off to sleep that way, ideas forming in his head.

Maybe they'd get a dog.

\-------

The morning sun came irritatingly early, though at least it no longer remained in the sky all the time, and Thomas buried his face in Edward's chest in a futile attempt to shield his eyes.

He could hear Tom's light snore, but John's louder rumbling was absent. Tom had been right, John was the early riser.

Thomas reluctantly rolled away from Edward and sat up groggily. The sun hadn't completely crested the horizon yet, casting everything in a pinkish orange hue.

He put on his clothes mechanically, his routine so well-polished he didn't have to think about it, and quietly laced his boots. Thomas couldn't bring himself to disturb Tom or Edward. In the absence of himself and John, they had naturally rolled together. Edward had turned on his side to cradle Tom, who was curled into a ball, still snoring.

Thomas wished he could borrow Mr. Goodsir's daguerreotype machine to capture that moment forever. As it was, however, he spent an extra moment committing the scene to memory before exiting the tent.

Immediately he headed to the edge of camp to relieve himself. He hoped he would run into John on the way, if only to tease him about Tom being correct.

He walked past the inner circle of tents without seeing another soul, but when he reached the edge of camp, it became apparent why.

A small crowd had formed, all circled around something Thomas couldn't see. He could make out the Captain, giving orders to a few men, who then took off running. One headed straight for him.

"Lieutenant, Lieutenant!" Shouted one of the ship's boys. "Captain needs you!" 

The boy paused only long enough to speak, before running off again, presumably to alert the other lieutenants. Thomas could only hope Edward and Tom were awake by now.

Thomas picked up his pace, turning his leisurely morning walk into a jog. As he got closer to the group, he realized what they were gathered around was another man, lying prone on the ground. 

Dr. Goodsir was leaning over the figure, obscuring the face, but Thomas recognized him anyway. He sprinted the last few feet to the crowd, roughly shoving aside a few men as he approached.

"Nonononono, John." 

He crashed down next to John, skinning his knees on the sharp rocks. Thomas was relieved to see that he was still breathing, but he was pale and there was a lot of blood. Dr. Goodsir didn't look up from his patient as he worked to control the bleeding.

"What happened?" He asked, turning to Crozier. His voice broke a little and Thomas felt like a little boy running to his father, confused and afraid.

"Hickey stabbed him." He said, the rage barely hidden. "I have men looking for him now. Goodsir, can you help him?"

"I-I think so yes, if I can get the bleeding stopped. The knife went in just below his kidney, I think it missed any major organs."

"No!" 

"Christ, John!"

Tom and Edward's cries carried over the shale, reaching him before they themselves did.

"He's alive." He assured them quickly as they approached.

"Oh thank God." Edward said, putting his hands on his knees and breathing out.

Tom crouched next to Thomas. "It was Hickey?" He said, voice cold.

Thomas nodded.

Edward turned to Crozier. "Permission to go after him sir."

"I already have men searching for him" Crozier said reassuringly. "You'll be more help to him here, I'm certain."

Edward swallowed hard and gave a curt nod.

Goodsir had managed to slow the bleeding and gestured for someone to fetch him his supplies. Tom was off like a shot before Goodsir even finished his sentence.

Thomas didn't reply, but turned his gaze back to John.

"Can he hear us?" Thomas asked.

"Possibly. He may not even be fully unconscious, just faint." 

Edward approached them, hands shaking and put a heavy hand on Thomas's shoulder for support. Instinctively, Thomas reached up to wrap his own hand around his.

Thomas understood in the back of his mind that their actions just now made it fully obvious to anyone with their wits about them what was going on. He had already seen the look of realization on Crozier's face, and some of the men looked distinctly uncomfortable.

With the cat already out of the bag, it didn't matter what he did next. They'd be lashed and dishonorably discharged regardless. So Thomas took his free hand and ran it through John's hair in a comforting motion.

"John." He whispered. "Please," 

Edward squeezed his shoulder. Thomas felt his tears splash onto his hand.

Thomas counted each ragged breath John took. Goodsir was still leaning across him, applying continuous pressure to the wound. He looked at them not with disgust, but deep sympathy.

"I will do my best to see that he pulls through." He said kindly.

"Thank you." Edward said, voice surprisingly steady.

Tom returned shortly after, kit in hand and a stretcher under his arm. He passed the kit off to Goodsir quickly and took his place on Thomas's other side. He began biting the cuticle of his thumb, as he sometimes did when nervous. 

Watching Goodsir work was almost hypnotizing. If Thomas focused just on his hands threading the needle in and out of the flesh, it was fascinating in a macabre way. But Thomas kept glancing back at John's face and reality would sink back in.

"Can we move him now?" Tom asked as soon as Goodsir cut the thread and tied a knot.

"Yes, but you'll need to be extremely careful." He cautioned.

"You don't need to worry about that." Tom replied. He walked around to John's head and grabbed him firmly under the armpits. Edward grabbed him by the legs.

They transitioned him as smoothly as possible onto the stretcher, but John still grunted in pain. Though he hated to hear such a noise, Thomas was glad to hear him respond at all.

"John?" He said. 

Edward and Tom lifted him up and began navigating him to the sick tent. Thomas jogged beside them. The captain was following them, but Thomas for once, paid him no mind.

"Nnnn" John replied.

Three sighs of relief in unison.

"You're going to be alright John." Thomas said adamantly.

"It...was Hick-" 

"Don't waste your breath on his name." Edward interrupted. "We know."

"Bastard ran, but we'll find him." Tom said. "And he will pay."

They reached the sick tent and laid him down gently on a cot, before pulling the stretcher from under him.

Goodsir made sure his wound had remained shut, and finding it satisfactory, began dressing the wound.

John was stirring more now, but didn't speak again. He groaned and whimpered as Goodsir tended him, and Thomas's heart broke.

"Lieutenant, behind you is a bottle of wine of coca, can you, yes thank you." He said, taking the bottle from Edward.

"This should help him rest." Goodsir explained, doling out a dose. "Please, someone lift his head.

Thomas was there in an instant. He gently cradled John's head in his hand as Goodsir poured the liquid down his throat. 

He sputtered around it a bit before it went down, but he swallowed. Thomas laid his head down again and reluctantly removed his hand. 

John's breathing was less labored now, and the creases in his forehead had smoothed out.

"Will you let us know when he wakes?" Edward asked.

Goodsir gave him a warm, understanding, smile. "Of course."

"Yes, we'll need to question him, find out exactly what happened." 

Thomas started at the voice of his captain. He'd quite forgotten he had followed them.

"But for now," Crozier continued, "I have questions for you three."

Thomas swallowed hard.

\------

The three of them followed Crozier back to the command tent in silence. 

Tom knew that their behavior had given them away, but he didn't care, not really. He wouldn't have changed his actions. John was hurt, and that was all that mattered.

They sit down in a semi circle facing Crozier, whose expression was serious. Edward looked resigned to their fate, while Thomas's face was nearly unreadable, his jaw locked tightly. 

They sat in silence for another agonizing moment before Crozier finally spoke.

"Christ, relax. My jaw hurts just looking at you Jopson. I didn't call you here for punishment. Not much of a point--our current predicament is punishment enough."

The three of them relax marginally.

"However I am going to warn you. If this…_arrangement_ interferes with your duties in any way, I will have to re-evaluate my decision. We cannot have the men losing respect for their commanding officers."

"Yes sir." They replied in unison.

Crozier sighed deeply. "Believe me, I wish it didn't have to be this way. We have bigger problems than a man's proclivities, even proclivities as strange as yours. But it would change how the men see you and we cannot afford that for three of our lieutenants."

"Understood sir." Edward said gruffly.

Tom was relieved beyond measure. Not that he wouldn't take a lashing for loving them, they were worth every ounce of pain the Royal Navy threw at him, but he shouldn't have to. He refused to believe his love was sinful or deserving of punishment.

"Hartnell, you're dismissed." Crozier continued. "We must discuss the next course of action in regards to Mr. Hickey."

Tom nodded and excused himself, making brief eye contact with Edward and Thomas before closing the flap of the tent behind him.

Tom considered his options. He could either go eat a meager breakfast alone, busy himself with monotonous tasks that held little meaning while they were camped, or head back to the sick tent.

He didn't think long about his decision. It was unlikely that John was awake, they had left him mere minutes ago, but he hoped Dr. Goodsir wouldn't mind if he sat with John.

"Dr. Goodsir?" He said softly as he entered. "May I come in?"

"Tom, it's good to see you."

"Oh, Mr. Bridgens, hello. I-I was wondering if I could-"

Bridgens wordlessly pulled up a stool next to where John was sleeping.

"Of course. I would do the same, if it were Henry lying there. Just, be careful. Men come through this way frequently." He cautioned.

"Captain Crozier gave us a warning about being less obvious." Tom said. 

"Ah, as I suspected he would." Bridgens said.

Tom furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

Bridgens just smiled and patted him on his shoulder as he passed. 

"I'll leave you two alone then. Holler, if he needs anything." Bridgens gave him a reassuring smile. "Dr. Goodsir says he's hopeful for a full recovery, if the scurvy's not too bad. And if it is, I can make a plaster up to keep it shut til we get back to civilization."

"Thank you." Tom said sincerely. 

As soon as he'd gone, Tom sat down next to him and grabbed his hand, delighted that it felt warm.

As Tom pressed a kiss to his knuckles, rough from the cold and blistered from the sun, he finally allowed himself to cry.

\-----  
After Tom left, Crozier addressed his lieutenants again. 

"He will be court martialed here. Alert the carpenters."

"The carpenters, sir?" Edward asked.

"For a gallows." Crozier said. "He may not have killed Lt. Irving, but he certainly tried, and by doing so, made his mutinous intentions clear. We cannot go forward with such dogs among us. It could be the difference between life and death."

"I couldn't agree with you more, sir." Thomas replied.

Though Edward agreed, the sudden coldness to Thomas's voice unsettled him. His nurturing nature often meant people underestimated him, but Edward knew that his protectiveness also made him a force to be reckoned with. 

Mr. Hickey had made a terrible mistake.

"When John wakes, we will question him further about what happened. I want to make sure we have ample proof before we proceed." Crozier continued.

"Were there any other witnesses?" Edward asked.

"None that have come forward."

This frustrated Edward, but did not come as a surprise. Hickey was repulsive, but he was also devious and clever. He wouldn't be so stupid as to attack in front of others.

"What do you think was the motive here?" Edward pressed on.

"Does it matter?" Thomas asked in a clipped tone.

Crozier gave Thomas an odd look before responding.

"I doubt it was simply for the joy of it. He most likely intended to kill Lt. Irving and blame it on our Netsilik friends, undermine my leadership and stage a mutiny." Crozier said.

Edward blinked. "That doesn't make any sense, sir, why would he deliberately drive away help?"

"Because he doesn't care about anything but gaining power. That and I suspect he is feeling the effects of the lead by now." he replied.

"Aren't we all." Edward muttered.

"He's a danger to us, and if we're to make it home, it cannot be with such murderous dogs among us."

Crozier's voice was full of conviction, but also resignation. The choice to take another man's life, even if it was justified, was a weight Edward hoped never to bear. 

"Alright gentlemen. That's all for now. You're dismissed." Crozier inclined his head toward the exit. "Keep in mind what I said earlier. And, I hope he pulls through." He added kindly.

"Thank you sir." Thomas replied.

Edward nodded awkwardly before exiting.

Once outside the tent he let himself breathe normally again. Thomas briefly touched his elbow to ground him.

"Alright?" He asked.

"Not really." Edward grimaced. "You?"

Thomas made a noncommittal noise. "I'm going to see if the carpenters need an extra hand. Fetch me as soon as Hickey is brought in."

"You'll be the first to know." 

They parted ways without a backwards glance.

Edward ached.  
\----------

When Thomas put the noose around Hickey's neck, he didn't enjoy it, but he felt satisfied that justice was being served.

Edward felt sick, watching Hickey's limp body sway from the rope, but he didn't feel sympathy.

Tom buried his body the same he would have anyone else's, but he didn't say a prayer like he did for the others.

Afterwards, they sat with John for as long as Goodsir would allow, and they kept vigil over him even after they broke Terror camp down and begin their march home.  
\----------

_"What about you John? Who was your first kiss?"_

John was swimming somewhere between waking and sleep, where dreams were only snippets of memories, floating in his mind. Distantly he realized he was in a great amount of pain, and he shied away from it, burrowing deeper into the pleasant warmth of the memory.

_John felt his face heat up. "It was a close friend. His name was Malcolm. He, um, didn't return my affections."_

_The three other men in the room winced._

_"We remained, and I hope upon our return, continue, to be friends." He added. "He was very kind about the whole thing. I was young and foolish, to be so forward."_

_"Sounds like a good man." Edward remarked. _

_"He is." John said with a smile._

He certainly wasn't smiling now. The dull throb of pain was becoming more and more pronounced. John whimpered slightly. He felt a hand squeeze his.

_"Mine was a neighbor girl." Tom said, his head in John's lap, feet propped up on Edward's. Thomas laid between them, his head pillowed on Tom's stomach. "She backed me into a corner really. Couldn't get away." He chuckled._

_"That sounds dreadful." Thomas blanched._

_"I was six, so it wasn't too serious." _

"John." said the same voice. "I'm here." A cool cloth touched his brow.

_"Alright Neddie, last one." John said. "Who was yours?"_

_Edward blushed a spectacular shade of pink that shot straight to John's prick._

_"Thomas." he said quietly._

_"Really?" Thomas replied, sitting up suddenly. "I didn't know that." He said softly._

_"Yes, well it's embarrassing isn't it? To be 35 and never have kissed anyone?" Edward muttered._

_Thomas scooted closer to him. "Don't be. I'm glad to have been your first."_

_"And I your second." John teased lightly._

_Tom sat up quickly and leaned over to kiss Edward. "And I your third." He grinned._

_Edward's face was a deep red then. John shuffled over as well, and began undoing the top buttons of Edward's shirt, happy to see the flush went all the way down._

_"And I will gladly continue supplying more kisses," he said, kissing his cheek, then his neck, all the way down his chest._

_"John," Edward moaned._

The memory faded and John groaned in frustration and pain as he became more aware of his body again. He was sweating but felt cold, and each breath made his side hitch, sharp pain lancing through his body.

"He's got a fever still I'm afraid. That means his wound is likely still infected." came a voice from above him.

"Has he woken at all?" asked another, further away.

"Not for more than a few minutes, and he's not all here when he is." said a third voice, very close to him.

"Mmm, Tom?" John managed to say.

"I'm here, I'm here John." Tom replied.

John opened one eye slowly, then the other. Tom's face swam into view above him.

"Oh, hello heart." he said weakly.

Tears sprang into Tom's eyes. "Hello yourself. Dr." He called over his shoulder.

As Dr. Goodsir came into view, Tom released his hand and shuffled out of his way. John whimpered at the loss of contact.

"We're still here." Tom soothed. "Edward and Thomas too."

"Neddie?" John slurred. "Thomas?"

"Hey John."

"Right here."

"Mmmm good. " he said. 

Dr. Goodsir was checking his pulse, and feeling his chest. John winced when he gently prodded his wound.

"Forgive me lieutenant." Goodsir said. "Does that hurt?"

"Not too bad." He replied.

"Well you are quite medicated." He explained. "It's good fortune we reached the Hudson Bay Company when we did, I was almost all out of Peruvian." 

"What?" John tried to shout, but his voice was weak, so it came out as more of a squeak.

"Shh. Don't over do it." Thomas said.

"We made it John." Edward explained from the foot of his bed. "We're almost home."

It was only then that John registered the gentle swaying sensation of a ship at sea. For a moment he forgot his pain entirely and allowed himself to be rocked by the ocean like a babe.

"H-how? How long was I out?" He asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"A few weeks, off and on. Your wound got infected, and Goodsir gave you something to help you sleep and heal. We managed to make it to Hudson Bay Company in the meantime, with help from the Netsilik. And now we're heading home." Tom explained.

John could barely comprehend what he was hearing. Was their long journey almost over? Were they finally free of that barren place? John suddenly couldn't hold back the onslaught of emotions and began to weep.

Goodsir wisely stepped aside and soon John was being held by his three lovers, gently cocooning him in their arms. John protested a little a first, but Thomas mumbled "Everyone knows, it's fine." into his hair, and John began crying all over again.

"We're going home?" He asked again. 

Tom took his face in his hands. "Yeah, we are."

"And you'll stay?" He whispered. 

Edward kissed his hand. 

"We'll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line of poetry is from _ A Red, Red Rose_ by Robert Burns


End file.
